If you keep punishing Law Enforcement Officers by putting all kinds of Rules and Restrictions on what they can and can’t do, you’re going to make the job less appealing.

1. There will be fewer people who will want to be cops

2. You’ll end up with cops of “Lower Moral Fiber” who are more susceptible to taking bribes because the job itself sucks and they’ll want to make it worth their while
3. You’ll have cops that will 2nd Guess their judgment more because they’re worried that they’ll get in trouble

If the pay isn’t that good and the job is dangerous, you’ll have fewer quality employees.

For example, I had decided back in 1995 that I didn’t want to be a teacher like my mom because the pay is horrible. I’d watch my mom come home complaining about how rowdy the kids were and that students each year would be worse and harder to manage.

Rowdy students that don’t have respect for Authority are the same as Adults that don’t have respect for Authority because they don’t fear anything.

It’s not that you’re supposed to instill fear in people or make them cower in fear. However, when people aren’t afraid of anything, they tend to become apathetic.

That’s how you get spoiled kids because the parents don’t discipline them. Children cow their parents into submission and reach a point where they’re difficult to manage because they have free reign and few boundaries or restrictions.

It makes the parents’ job harder when they’re all bark and no bite. That’s why children start becoming unphased or unmoved.

With Law Enforcement Officers, the same thing can happen if you keep on limiting their abilities. The Media puts so much spotlight on every little thing that it can sometimes get blown out of proportion.

(Sept. 21, 2007) — Two incidents this week in which police used Tasers to subdue nonviolent suspects have thrust the popular stun gun into the spotlight again and raised new questions about the device’s use and potential misuse by law enforcement officials.

Photo Gallery: Shocking Incidents

Monday, police in California shocked a 15-year-old autistic boy with a Taser. Two days later, during a speech by Sen. John Kerry , D-Mass., at the University of Florida, officers Tasered a 21-year-old student who refused to stop asking the senator questions.

The weapon — used by some 11,500 police agencies in more than 44 countries, according to its manufacturer, Taser International — has been criticized by civil rights groups for years. They have questioned Taser’s status as a “nonlethal weapon” by pointing to incidents in which people who have been stunned later died.

While neither of the two suspects in this week’s incidents died or were seriously injured, the cases have focused attention on the increasing use of Tasers by police and the widely varying ways that use is regulated.

Who can be shocked, under what circumstances, for how long, and how many times varies from state to state and department to department, a fact that critics say allows for abuse. Taser International, which offers no guidelines on use of the weapons, says this allows police agencies to tailor their use according to local guidelines and case-specific needs.

Autistic Boy Tasered

While on the face of it, shocking a 15-year-old autistic boy with 50,000 volts of electricity for “acting suspiciously” but nonviolently might seem over the top, the Orange County (Calif.) Sheriff’s Department maintains the device was used for the boy’s own good.

“The use of the Taser was definitely justified,” Jim Amormino, a sheriff’s department spokesman told ABC NEWS.com. “The deputy had two seconds of contact with the suspect before he started screaming and running into traffic.”

“If he hadn’t been Tasered, he could easily have been killed by a car. The suspect, the officers, drivers on the road and pedestrians all could have been at risk if the suspect continued into traffic,” he said.

Many Taser incidents might well have otherwise required the use of lethal force, and they’ve thus saved lives, according to Richard Jerome, a lawyer and former Justice Department official who now consults on police accountability.

“Clearly, Tasers are a important tool for law enforcement,” Jerome said. “They’re used by police departments to lower the incidence of more serious use of force.”

In the other incident this week, University of Florida President J. Bernard Machen Tuesday called the Tasering and arrest of student Andrew Meyer “regretful” and launched a university inquiry, calling on the state police to investigate.

Monday officers took down Meyer before a roomful of people after the college senior grabbed a microphone and asked Kerry a series of questions, including whether he’d been a member of Yale’s secret society Skull and Bones .

After Meyer was on the ground and surrounded by officers, he is a heard to say, on a widely circulated video of the incident, “Don’t Tase me bro!”

In another filmed incident that went viral on the Internet this week, an Ohio woman was Tasered earlier this month multiple times, including while handcuffed and seated in the back of a police cruiser.

Continuum of Force

Heidi Gill, 38, said she feared for her life when Police Officer Rich Kovach Tasered her over and over again after a bar argument in Warren, Ohio. “I didn’t think I was going to make it out of there. I just wanted this pain to stop. This electrocuting and Tasering. ? I didn’t know what Tasering even was,” Gill said.

Kovach was placed on paid leave pending an investigation.

Each of these incidents demonstrates what police officers already know: Interactions between the police and suspects can be volatile and require the officer to quickly sum up a situation.

Police departments each develop their own “use of force continuums,” a series of escalating steps that officers employ to determine when and how much force should be deployed against a suspect.

“Some departments put Tasers pretty high on their force continuum, some pretty low down at the level of pepper spray,” said Mona Cadena, the deputy director of Amnesty International’s western region.

“Cops, of course, will come into contact with violent individuals and have to respond, but they should always use the minimum … force for the threat that is posed. The question out there is: Is it appropriate to use a Taser on a student who is just being a nuisance, or on senior citizens or children or pregnant women.”

Amnesty International has been tracking Taser use in the United States since 2001 and says it is difficult to know the medical risks involved because little independent research has been done. It is also difficult to know whether Tasers are being misused because there is no national standard for keeping track of their use.

Multiple Shocks

“Cops have to register firearms and record every time they discharge them. That information then goes into a national database, but there is nothing like that for Tasers. We’re concerned with use and reporting and a lack of regulation,” she said.

Taser International said it has created a weapon that when used properly can safely and effectively subdue suspects. Moreover, every weapon it produces, unlike, say, a billy club, electronically registers the time, date and duration of a shock.

Recent incidents, including the April 2006 death of a 56-year-old, wheelchair-bound Florida woman who was Tasered 10 times and later died, stirred controversy for the company. However, the manufacturer says it is the police who should be taking the heat.

“We don’t teach use of force techniques. We train the trainers and give them as much information as possible to use it safely,” said Steve Tuttle, spokesman for Taser International. “Every agency is going to use it differently, based on their own use-of-force guidelines. Sometimes it will be used against people passively resisting, other times against more active resistance,” he said.

Tuttle said that in some cases multiple shocks are necessary and can be done safely.

“Multiple applications have good outcomes in arresting someone safely. We’ve shown that multiple applications are not dangerous. We don’t limit the number of bullets in a gun,” he said.

Tuttle said it was frustrating that every controversial use has reporters focusing on the company instead of the agencies using the weapon. Gun manufacturers are not called to comment every time cops misuse their firearms, he said.

“The media never reports on all the planes that land safely. But thousands of Tasers are used safely every day. Every Taser has a computer chip that records the time, date and length of duration.”

Taser-Related Deaths

No federal agency keeps track of injuries or deaths related to Taser usage. Amnesty International claims that since 2001 it has registered 270 “Taser-related deaths,” or incidents in which a Taser was used prior to a suspect’s death “but not deemed the primary cause of death by a coroner or medical examiner.”

Amnesty International has recorded only seven cases in which a medical professional directly linked a Taser to death.

“In 2004, there were 48 related deaths. In 2005, there were 65 related deaths. That’s a 27 percent increase,” said Amnesty’s Mona Cadena. “More cops using more Tasers equals more deaths. We have to ask ourselves: Is the Taser really nonlethal?”

Taser has its own figures. In the 54 wrongful death cases brought against the company, it has won every single one.

“We’re 54 and 0 in wrongful deaths cases. In a courtroom sound bites don’t count. We have time to debunk the junk science and demonstrate the safety of our product,” Tuttle said.

In many Taser-related deaths, the victims were using drugs, were overweight and in an already excitable state some doctors call “excited delirium.”

Copyright 2007 ABCNEWS.com
2007-09-22 15:21:33
Posted: 2007-09-22 21:27:06

I used the same Philosophy when I was playing “The Sims.” Building a huge house with that much square footage would take a huge chunk out of your income to pay for the monthly property tax that was based off of the size of your house.

I cheated on the Taxes by building really small homes that were right in the middle of the property. The nice part about a small home is that it would take Burglars longer to cross the lawn to get into your house and steal your stuff.

I happen to like really small places where you have just about everything you need all within a very small area. Most people don’t really need that much space. I’ve gotten used to living in really small quarters because I didn’t have a place of my own.

If I had my choice to build a house, I’d make it really compact. When you’re single and living on your own, you don’t need that much space.

I know my mom who is retired has been paying taxes on a 4,200 square feet home on 7 acres. It’s spacious, but it’s really more than she needs on a fixed teacher retirement income. She really doesn’t need all that space.

But instead of feeling cramped, a growing number of Americans are finding they have more home than they want or need.

The reasons are numerous. Baby boomers, 77 million strong, are looking to downsize in retirement. Young home buyers are finding it increasingly difficult to afford or maintain larger homes. Urban land is at a premium. Smaller homes in desirable neighborhoods are scarce or outlawed by covenant. And environmental concerns about a residence’s “carbon footprint” have further dampened enthusiasm for spacious showpieces.

That doesn’t necessarily mean that smaller times are ahead for everyone. For growing families, some investors, the wealthy or homeowners who just want the room, bigger will most likely continue to be better.

But for homeowners who no longer wish to pay taxes, utilities and insurance on rooms they never use, or who simply find a smaller home more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing, the small-house movement is quietly reinventing the U.S. scale of living.

Architect Jim Gauer’s midtown Manhattan apartment was originally a 500-square-foot studio with a Murphy bed and efficiency kitchen. By dividing the rectangular space into two squares, he was able to add a small ship’s cabin bedroom (behind transom window) with a view of the Chrysler Building.

My shed, my home
In some cases, the small-house trend goes to the extreme Lilliputian end of the scale.

Jay Shafer lives quite comfortably in a 100-square-foot house in Sebastopol, Calif. You may have a tool shed or a master bath about the same size.

Shafer’s home is on the small end of a line of compact, ready-made dwellings he designs for his Tumbleweed Tiny House Co. His designs have won numerous awards for energy efficiency and green building. The homes cost between $20,000 and $48,000, excluding land.

Though many customers use them as vacation homes or mother-in-law cottages, there are those smaller-is-better devotees who, like Shafer, simply prefer to live within their means.

Shafer, founder of the Small House Society, says “supersizing” came about when home builders hooked consumers on the one easily quantifiable aspect of every house: its square footage.

“It’s true that the cheapest thing you can add onto a house is square footage, and of course the building industry likes to build these things and people are willing to pay a lot for that not-so-expensive addition,” he says. “When the housing industry pushed for larger houses back in the ’70s and ’80s because their profits were leveling out, the banks followed suit. Then the codes followed suit, so it became illegal to build smaller than a certain size.”

Americans quickly came to believe that more square footage paid for itself in resale, especially during the run-up of housing prices in the last decade. Since 1970, the average American home has grown from 1,500 square feet to the current average of 2,450 square feet, according to the National Association of Home Builders.

Against that bigger-is-better investor mind-set, smaller homes were either shunned as fixtures from a bygone era or lumped in with mobile homes. Shafer, Alchemy Architects, the Tiny House Co. and others are attempting to change such perceptions about compact living by extolling the virtues of small houses.

Shafer says the small-house movement is growing as more people become dissatisfied with having to pay more for more house than they need.

“Most of the people who are interested tend to be looking at a house more as a home instead of an investment. It’s hard to find a small house anymore. There is a demand for them and they’re so rare,” he says.

The Katrina effect
New York designer Marianne Cusato wasn’t out to change the world when she designed the Katrina Cottage. Her goal was to help provide immediate housing to the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

But when Lowe’s executives saw Cusato’s compact, self-contained cottage at the International Builders Show in 2005, they recognized a solution to the broader need for affordable housing nationwide.

Lowe’s partnered with Cusato and made Katrina Cottages available to order at its 29 locations in Louisiana and Mississippi. The one- and two-bedroom bungalows, in four styles ranging from 544 square feet to 936 square feet, are delivered in sections for easy assembly.

The cost: $40 to $50 per square foot, or less than $50,000 for the largest floor plan.

Once word of the Katrina Cottage got out, interested customers lit up Lowe’s phone lines. “Surprisingly, we were getting more inquiries other than from the Gulf for mother-in-law houses, beach cottages, mountain homes, guest houses, even as primary residences,” says Jennifer Wilson, a spokeswoman for Lowe’s. “We’ve gotten more than 10,000 calls in the past six or seven months from people asking when it’s going to be available to them.”

So far, Katrina Cottage plans are only available for purchase online for Lowe’s customers in the other 48 states. Included is a shopping list of materials that can be ordered through your local Lowe’s store to build your own Katrina Cottage.

A major retailer selling prefabricated homes is not without precedent. Sears did it for years. But Cusato says the availability of a durable, new, “right-sized” house touched a nerve with people tired of having to carry the financial burden of oversized homes.

“A lot of times, houses are sold because Realtors convince somebody that it’s not necessarily what they may want, but it’s what they have to have to resell. So many people are living in houses not because it’s the exact house they want but it’s the house they need to sell out of,” she says.

“It is a failure of the architecture profession that we haven’t built better places so the only thing the buyer can do is talk about square footage, because we haven’t given them anything else to talk about. It’s a failure of urbanism that the Realtors have had to sell architecture that way.”

Ultimately, says Cusato, the solution lies in well-built communities where homes can be of a human scale, instead of stretched out of shape in an effort to fit in everything from a fitness room to a movie theater that should be shared by the neighborhood.

“It’s the idea of quality over quantity,” she says. “Then you don’t have to have everything in your house because you have the ‘outdoor room,’ you have the street, so you can also build smaller.”

Downsizing’s big challenges
Building small does have some unique challenges, often starting with the location.

To come up with the home they love, the Texas architect Rick Black and his wife just happened upon a half-lot that was practically unbuildable in their desirable but pricey Hyde Park community. That was just the starting point for the one-bedroom, 980-square-foot modern they built in 2004.

“‘We had kind of a difficult time getting the house design appraised to get our construction loan. In terms of size of newer construction, there was nothing comparable for the appraiser to use,” Black recalls.

He admits it costs more to get a smaller house; he estimates his home cost between $150 to $180 a square foot, including his “sweat equity.” “For a developer, there is no reason to build those precious little jewels,” Black says. “It’s not rewarded by the market.”

But Black contends it’s a great way to get the house you really want, without sacrificing resale value. Their home recently appraised at $211,000; he estimates its current market value at more than $250,000.

“Our private clients, they get that,” he says. “They don’t need to be swayed by profit-taking as their primary motivation.”

Contributing editor Jay MacDonald writes from his home in Austin, Texas.

Posted: Aug. 23, 2007

• Kitchen cabinets that go to the ceiling.

• Drawers, drawers and more drawers. Put them under beds, in kitchen bases, in bedside tables, inside closets.
• Closet systems, such as those available at California Closets and IKEA.
• Storage walls, such as those found behind the impossibly pristine minimalist interiors you see in architecture magazines. Often the space behind the floor-to-ceiling panels is shallower than one foot, but useful to hide all sorts of clutter.
• Outside storage option. If there is stuff that just won’t fit, consider renting a storage locker. It’s cheaper than maintaining extra square footage you only use for storage.

• Energy efficiency: The propane bill to heat Shafer’s cabin in frigid Iowa City, Iowa, was less than $170 for the entire winter.

• Durability: Tumbleweed houses withstand winds of up to 180 miles per hour.
• Expandability: Modular design allows for any necessary growth.
• Custom materials: The sky’s the limit when it comes to materials. The smaller the house, the easier it is to use cedar, rubber shingle tiles, cork flooring and other materials that would bust the budget of a larger house.

is she cheating on me???
me and my gf have been together for 1 year 3 months and i love her to death but lately one of her bros friends have been hangin out. hes kewl and all but i catch her staring. like staring until she sees me look at her and she has a look like “ive been caught.” in the past i was taken for a fool. she was doing speed behind my back wen she told me she quit.she was even doin it with my sis and my friends and no one told me. i have not a single homie anymore. but i see that she is all happy wen shes around him then wen were alone its kinda like im just there. we live together and we love each other sooo much and we feel it between but i still dont know how to aproach it. i dont want to leave her i juss want her to tell me wut the hell is goin on so i can deal with him cause he doesnt seem to mind the situation. wut should i do. e mail me if u want cause i really need advice. i would like to hear from a girl that has been through similar things. guys to cuz u know how my mind works
22 minutes ago - 3 day(s) left to answer - 3 answers

Sounds like she’s exhibiting some suspicious behavior. You keep saying how much both of you are in love “soooo much.” Usually people don’t have to repeat it unless they’re trying to convince themselves than the people they’re telling.

You see so many telltale signs and the fact that you’ve caught her with drugs indicates that she’s got issues when it comes to self-discipline. People have problems with drug abuse usually tend to have weak will power to resist.

Even when they do resist, they will go and resort to some other vice to get them off the vice they’re trying to avoid. It’s just smokers trying to quit the habit of smoking so they resort to eating and gain weight.

It sounds like your girlfriend may be kicking the habit of drugs, but her will power when it comes to a new vice could manifest in that old boyfriend hanging around.

You may think you two have a lovey dovey relationship, but if she’s had a previous drug problem, her reasons for residing with you may be more out of financial convenience than love. She may think she loves you, but you’ve reached a stage where you’re more like her Parent or Conscience than a boyfriend.

If you were around someone telling them about how much you love them and that you’re so in love, some might find it endearing, but there’s a high probability that someone with your girl’s spotty past may found that a bit smothering and feel trapped or confined. So her interest would wander to someone outside of your nest.

It’s not really your fault though. She kind of set herself up for that with her bad habits. You sound like one of those really caring “Rescuer” types with your girlfriend as the Damsel in Distress. So she’s always relying on you to rescue her or catch her every time she falls.

She may know better and might be making an effort curb her ways, but if she’s not careful, temptation will get the better of her. Sex is a drug. If she’s had problems with drugs, guess what will happen when she starts “craving” Sex like a Drug and thinks about it.

If the guy is an ex, there could be a high probability that he may not be as scrupulous or clean and can smell that your girlfriend’s weakened resolve is something he can press. All the while, you’re just sitting there seeing all the Signs and ignoring them because “you’re so in love.”

If you didn’t even realize that your sister was doing drugs and your girlfriend and your sister were both doing it behind your back with you clueless, that brings up concerns about whether your Radar Detector is as keen as you think it is.

You better prep yourself else you might find yourself taking a huge fall. Depending on “how much you love her,” you may be forgiving and take her back if she does stray, but once again, we come back to how many times you’re going to keep picking her up every time she falls.

There’s that saying “Familiarity breeds contempt.” If you’re always right and telling her what to do because she’s acting like a child and always doing the wrong things, she’s naturally going to start looking at you as a Parental Figure. It’s no longer a balanced relationship.

She’ll be hiding things from you because she doesn’t want to get in trouble and she knows the stuff she usually does is bad. So it becomes this Cat and Mouse Game. She’s got a lot of personal issues she needs to deal with.

You have to always take the mature or parental role, you’re no longer a mate. You’re her dad. She’s shifted into a child-like role where she can’t effectively oppose you or have a practical debate because she’s robbed herself of any logical argument to justify her position.

When someone is in that bad of a position, your only options are just to sit there and take it because you know that whatever comes out of your partner’s mouth is always right. That would be you being the sense of reason, the supportive caregiver, and rescuer.

It creates feelings of guilt on her part. So she goes and feels bad about herself and looks for outlets that will give her Instant Gratification to help her get by the short stints of being depressioned and downtrodden because she knows she’s screwed up a lot.

It pushes her into doing bad things. No one likes doing bad things or where everything they do is wrong. It ruins their Self-Confidence.

And then comes along “Mr. Ex-Boyfriend” who makes her feel good about herself, doesn’t give her any pressure like she feels when she’s at home with you around as “Mr. Parent,” and causes her to start gravitating toward him.

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Psychology and people who do things and don’t even know why they do them.

If you’re not careful, you really will “love her to death” in the relationship if the situation doesn’t change. That’s one train wreck waiting to happen. You better switch tracks or get off at the next stop soon as soon as possible.

My boyfriend and I have religious clash! Help please!?
My boyfriend and I are in a long-term relationship and we definitely love each other. We have a problem though- he is hindi and I am christian. His mother recently found out that we had been dating for a really long time and is obviously angry. My question are the 2: 1)Has anybody been in similar shoes as me? If so, how did you deal with it? I would like to hear your story, 2)For those who cannot relate to me but have advice… How should we raise our kids and what should be do about the religion/race factor?
Additional Details

7 minutes ago
He is brown & hindi, I am asian & christian. Thanks

Religion shouldn’t be a factor when it comes to whether two people love each other or when it comes to your children.

Your children will be measuring how you two love each other, not what Religious Faith you’re practicing.

You two should teach your children the way you normally would. The only thing is that if there’s ever a disagreement do to the deviancy in religion, don’t argue in front of the child. Do it behind closed doors.

Besides, how do you know it won’t be better for your child because he or she will be a hybrid that will have the opportunity to take the best of both religions.

As for the mother of your boyfriend, it’s none of her concern. You’re dating the boyfriend not his mother. The same thing goes for your boyfriend. He’s dating you, not his mother.

While she can have her own opinions, her role in raising her child (your boyfriend) has already come to pass and she should trust that she raised her son as best she could. It’s now time for your son to live his own life not the life that his mother wants him to live.

Does anyone else HATE IT when….?
girls wear pajamas or pajama pants in public?! Makes me sick to see girls in their pajama pants especially when they’re wearing slippers. I see people in the grocery store dressed like that. YUCK! Like how lazy do you have to be to not even throw on a pair of jeans and flip flops or something?

It may be offensive because of the definition prescribed to the fabric that makes it qualify as a pajama, but that’s really more about society having issues about wardrobe and the Fashion Police.

I say live and let live. You never know when you might get caught doing something alternative and get branded as a hypocrite. The same people who are critical of others can just as well turn on you any time if you don’t do the things they like or believe to be correct.

That leads to peer pressure and the majority isn’t always right.

I desperately need help from someone who knows about attachment issues and couples!?
This is complicated so I will try to make it short.

My boyfriend is away for 6 weeks for the military. He comes from a severely neglectful environment as a child and therefore has huge attachment issues. We have a good relationship but sometimes he really pulls away from me when I need him the most. This often happens when we are physically separated. That is what is going on right now and it is making me nuts. He says he is just too busy to spend much time talking. We were talking a couple times a day previously to this week. It is killing me. I get anxious when he acts this way. I know this type of thing is typical for adults with attachment issues.

My question is, how do I deal with him? I can’t complain because then he gets angry and won’t speak to me at all. What can I do to deal with this. He won’t acknowledge he’s doing anything wrong besides just “being busy”. Most of the time he’s great and has been getting alot better about everything.

Help me deal with this!!!!

Your relationship sounds similar to the one my mom had with my stepdad. My stepdad was abused and mistreated as a chidl and resented his mother.

When it came to dealing with issues, he’d just clamp up and sulk. He’d retract into his shell and there was no way of coaxing him out. When he was angry, there’d just be this black storm cloud hanging over his head.

We’d just wait for him to relax and get out of his shell.

One of the things that happens in relationships is that the person who realizes that there’s a problem usually ends up being the one who does the most changing to accommodate the person who has the problem.

From another perspective, you could argue that the people who claim that someone has a problem choose to perceive a problem there. Whether there really is a problem or not depends. Sometimes there is or sometimes it’s just the individual whose needs aren’t being met or where the behavior of the individual is unacceptable within the World that the person perceiving the problem sees things.

You claim that he’s got a problem. Possibly. If you took a census of other people to see if they would consider it a problem, they could all vote the same way. However, if the individual who has the problem that everyone else claims he or she has, it’s really up to the individual to change or for the people who have issues with that behavior to take action to force that person to modify that behavior.

Since this is a personal issue, getting a consensus or group of people would be in the form of Family Intervention, but that should only be used for cases like Alcohol or Drug Abuse. This sounds like it’s just a Domestic Problem related to Communication.

It’s unfortunate that he gets angry and gives you the silent treatment. My stepdad was like that. When he was mad, he wouldn’t talk to us or would ignore us for days or weeks at a time and he refused to go see a shrink.

If communicating with him isn’t an option but everything else in the relationship seems okay, perhaps you may want to consider finding alternative outlets in which to express yourself.

Have you determined whether what it is you wish to express or communicate can be done with someone else? If there are alternative ways in which to obtain emotional sustenance that your significant other cannot provide for you at this time, you are within your rights to seek it elsewhere because your own Mental Health and Well-Being comes first.

You could look at it as an opportunity to be independent and stronger when it comes to not needing your husband. It’s his loss if he doesn’t want to be there for you in your time of need and choosing to distance himself from you.

What specifically is bothering you? If you can pinpoint the problem, you may be able to find ways to solve the problem on your own without anyone’s help.

If you choose to make this an issue between you and him, then it will become so. On top of that, it will become a problem that is difficult to solve under the current conditions because you’ve stated yourself what his emotional shortcomings are and where he’s emotionally and physically unavailable leaving you with few choices.

If you don’t like that, then then they key is to change the situation. You have that saying, “Don’t hate the player, hate the Game.”

If you don’t like the Game and you don’t to change the Player (your boyfriend), then change the Game. The current rules you’ve set up are where it’s an Unsolved Equation that is contingent on his participation, which you’ve said doesn’t give you much options.

What would you do if you were single? If your boyfriend isn’t in your life, how would you solve your problem?

This isn’t meant as a slight against him or trying to move him out of your life. It’s just changing your perspective by converting it into a simpler equation with a solution that only requires you.

Not to sound morbid, but what if your boyfriend was in a fatal accident and passed away? How would you solve your problem knowing he’s unavailable?

My biological father passed away when I was 22 months old. My mom had to deal with her own grief and pain and she couldn’t get any emotional relief from my dad since he was the one who passed away. So she had to solve her problem on her own along with caring for a 22 month old child.

She made it through and I’m sure you could as well.

There’s a saying, “People perform their best when things are at their worst.”

Try giving some thought to this and most definitely keep yourself busy. A lot of people fall into negative spirals of thought because they have time to mull over these things that lead them to negative thoughts.

Busy people and individuals who are constantly on the move rarely have this problem because they’re too busy working or moving. They literally don’t have time to dwell on bad stuff because they’ve got so much to do and little time to do it.

If you can find some constructive activities or hobbies to keep your mind occupied, it will allow you to maintain momentum and where the problem you feel your boyfriend suffers from may solve itself.

One thing observed in Human Behavior is that the harder you chase after something, the more it will elude you.

- The more you chase after love, the more it will elude you
- The more you chase after money, the more it will elude you
- The more you chase after your boyfriend, the more he will elude you

When you keep going to your boyfriend, you’re pursuing him. So he’ll naturally push away.

If you go in the other direction by keeping yourself busy, he’ll start coming toward you. When you move toward him, you pressure him and so he avoids you.

Should you be able to go to your boyfriend and communicate with him? Yes. However, if he is unwilling to budget on how and when he will communicate with you, now is the best time to develop your own space so that you’re not dependent on his time frame of when he’s ready to talk.

If possible, try not to worry about this and roll with the punches. Let him be the one to come to you.

Besides, when the time comes that he wants to reach out to you, you can always give him a does of his own medicine and show him what it’s like when you choose to be “unavailable” to him when he’s in need to help him appreciate what it’s like to be needed and what happens when you continually push someone away.